Resident Evil 1: REHABILITATED PARODY!
by Reiko N Josh
Summary: Takes place after my Resident Evil 1: PARODY! Chris and others return to raccoon city and are forced into therapy, stupidness ensues and not much more can be said than "for the love of god help us" ONE SHOT


Resident Evil 1: REHABILITATED PARODY!

Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil or anything affiliated with this chapter!

Author's Note: LMAO! Okay okay! I am SOOOOO drunk right now! So you will have to excuse any grammar errors! I promise to fix them when I'm sober! But my sis and I got together and were watching Youtube! And she showed me this south park clip! And we laughed our asses off until we were crying and my older brother yelled at us! So I sit with her right now…And we came up with an awesome parody based off of both my currant Resident evil 1 PARODY and that clip! It takes place after they get back to raccoon city and they tell they're outrageous story! Letz see what ensues! It's a ONE SHOTclip that I based this chapter off but added a shit load of other stuff!

P.S. I have no racist intentions with a particular jewish insult…It's just part of the

CHAPTER 1: It s the only chapter you dumb ass!

Jill was dragged through the RPD station kicking and screaming. "Let me go! I'm not crazy! I demand a lawyer!" She screamed and then was thrown into the councilors office. And no…I don't mean they walked her in…introduced her…No…They lifted her up and hurdled her through the open door!

The councilor looked at her smiling. "Glad you could join us miss Valentine. Please take a seat next to Chris if you would, we have A LOT to talk about today." Said the councilor in a kind almost creepy voice.  
He smiled. "Now… First question…Whoever answers correctly first gets to hug mister bear!" He said pointing to a giant teddy bear.

Jill looked grossed out. "Are you serious? That thing is nasty!" Barry gagged. "It smells like a dumpster!"  
Rebecca looked away. "It looks like you GOT IT from a dumpster…" Chris's eyes glimmered. "I MUST hug that bear…." And Brad was busy texting his mother. "Damnit mother! I'll pick up the milk on my way home!"

Councilor Cuddles smiled. "Okay…In a zombie movie…What happens when you walk through a graveyard?"

Brad raised his hand. "Uhh…Zombies come alive….YEOWCH!" howled Brad as a paper weight hit him in the head. Councilor cuddles opened his desk drawer and put another paper weight on his desk. "No…Zombie's don't exist…Now lets get an answer from someone who isn't a complete retard shall we? Jill..?" Jill stiffened. "Umm…Michael Jackson gets sued because he didn't pay that chick from the thriller video?" Councilor Cuddles clapped. "Good job Jill! Now hug Mr. Bear!" Jill's eyes widened. "NOOOOO!...YEOWCH!" She cried out when she was hit in the head by a paper weight. "Hug Mr. Bear….Now.." Said the councilor in a kind calm voice as he put another paper weight on his desk.

Chris's eyes bulged. "WHOLLEY SHIT! HOW MANY OF THOS THINGS YOU GOT!" Barry stood up. "Don't yell you moron!" Chris stood up. "Don't tell me what to do you jack ass!"

Barry growled. "Shut up and sit down FAT BOY!" Jill slapped Barry. "You know Chris doesn't get muscles till RE 5!" Chris growled. "Don't call me fat boy you fucken Jew!" The councilor hit Chris with a paper weight. "Chris! Did you just say the F word!" Chris rubbed his head "What word? Jew?" Barry frowned. "No! Fuck! You can't say fuck during counseling!" he shouted. "Barry!" yelled councilor Cuddles. Jill looked confused. "Why the fuck not!" she asked. "Jill!" shouted the Counselor. Brad stood up. "Because it's all on fucken tape you fucken morons!" He shouted. "Brad!" shouted the Counselor. "So fucken what! I'll say fuck all fucken day long! Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck!" Gloated Chris. "How would you like to get fired!" Shouted the counselor. "How would you like to suck my balls!" Shouted Rebecca.

Everyone turned and looked at Rebecca. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!" asked the Counselor in a very angry voice. "Oh! I'm sorry! What I said was…" Rebecca pulled out a mega phone. "HOW! WOULD YOU LIKE! TO SUCK! MY BALLS! MR. CUDDLES!" Everybody stared in horror at Rebecca.

"Holy shit dude…" said Jill. Brad looked at a vial he found labeled T-Virus. "Hey…Guys…What does T-Virus stand for?" He tripped and the vial shattered on Counselor cuddles face. "AAAH! IT BURNS!"  
The counselor dropped dead. "Sweet counceling is over!" Said Barry and they walked out all except Chris who answered his cell phone. "Hello? Claire?" he asked. Claire giggled on the other line. "Guess who's coming to visit you?" She asked. "Is it Johnny Dep?" Clair sighed. "No Chris…I AM!" Chris hung up.

"Shit….Now I have to leave town…" He left. Suddenly The counselor's eyes shot open….DUN DUN DUNNN!

THE END!


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